google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
