At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize