what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
did i walk over a car last night?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
