: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
