Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
