I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
