So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
