you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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