There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
