She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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