did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
