Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
