I showed him my bush... on skype.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
