I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
