she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
