He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
