Even the bartender felt bad for me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
