I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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