Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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