I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
