Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize