I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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