This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
