You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
