I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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