I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i think i have two assholes
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
