we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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