Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
