So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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