you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
