Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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