How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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