ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
