News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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