It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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