Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
