I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
