the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
