I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
