Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
soo... how was my night?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
