dude i'm inner monologue high
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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