apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
