I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
