You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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