If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
4 words: hood of his car
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
