i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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