Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I looked at my own cervix.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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