I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
