our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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