Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Randomize
