you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
