i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
