I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
