This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
