Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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