this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
