Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
