At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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