Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
did i just pee glitter
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