He is an equal opportunity slut.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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