So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
