Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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