I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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