shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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