last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
