Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
