Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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