i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
