Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
