if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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