today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
