seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
