I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i need an iv and a liver transplant
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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