You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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