Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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