then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize