there's paper in my vomit.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
