I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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