So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
