I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
