I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
