Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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