I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
dude. I can hear the air.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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