It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Please, let me fuck your mom
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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