Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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