how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize