I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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